As soon as I heard her voice on the radio, Calm tapped me on the shoulder and smiled assuredly.
Last night, I fretted about not having time to write this post. After work, I crammed in a worthwhile gym visit and was on my way for a much overdue grocery shop. As Nils works nights, I’d be on my own, lugging and unpacking the groceries, unloading the dishwasher he’d set to clean before leaving for work, and keeping an eye on our pup as he’s not feeling well and needs to be let out more often than usual. Nils volunteered to shop today, simply asking for a list of what to buy. Instead of writing the list and leaving him to fend for himself against empty cabinets at 3:00 AM, I made the decision to tack on a food forage.
Still in gym clothes, I hustled to the car and coaxed Sage into the backseat. With all of the commotion, I’d resigned my mind to the notion that this post would be written another night. Then the radio hummed to waking and Ruth Reichl’s voice broke the silence. On Point With Tom Ashbrook was airing and Reichl was mid-interview. All of my wonderment about when I’d be able to write about her new book, Not Becoming My Mother: and Other Things She Taught Me Along the Way, evaporated like the bitty raindrops on my windshield. While driving, I listened to the remainder of the interview and started writing in mind.
Ruth Reichl encouraged me to be a food writer. Not in person, of course, but through her own work. The span of her career is mighty impressive—restaurant critic for The New York Times and Los Angeles Times, editor-in-chief of Gourmet magazine, co-producer for a favorite show of mine “Gourmet’s Diary of a Foodie,” and author of three food memoirs. She’s covered all bases for food writing success.
My introduction to the realm of food memoir was through Reichl’s Tender at the Bone and Comfort Me with Apples. I’d started writing about food soon before I read both of these memoirs, while working a brief stint at a restaurant trade publication as an editorial assistant. I read each memoir with fervor, immensely impressed and humbled by her prose. An adrenaline rush surged through my writing. This genre permitted me to combine my writerly interests with my devotion to food and cooking! Soon I was delving into a part-time food writing career while working in an unrelated job during the day. Garlic and Sapphires arrived soon-after my own brief gig as a restaurant critic for a local newspaper and sated my want of more Reichl writing.
Naturally, when I read about her new memoir, I accepted an advanced copy. I didn’t know what to expect from the non-food-based memoir nestled between a slim cover. I did know, however, that Reichl would not disappoint. This memoir is easily devoured in a single sitting. I enjoyed reading perched on the kitchen counter while waiting for the oven’s timer to squeal.
Reichl wrote this book after uncovering her mother’s diaries (moments captured on scraps of paper) and letters. Through these tokens of thought and correspondences, Reichl grew to know the woman she never realized her mother was. Miriam, her mother, was a brilliant woman caught amid a time when sacrificing a coveted career and independence to raise a family was the expected standard. Although Reichl unwillingly sought this story for so long, apprehensive about what she’d discover, it flows like gravy over a roasted turkey—warm, homey and a paired perfectly—each would be missing something without the other.
Previously, she’s written with a comedic tone about Miriam’s less-than-gourmet adventures in cooking. Although she opens with one of these stories—what she calls a Mim Tale—the read quickly paces toward a more serious direction delving into her mother’s upbringing, schooling, career and subsequent life as mother and wife. Her storytelling is as fluid and addictive as ever, but this is her mother’s story, and she relays the message with an amalgamation of emotion and stream of thought, care and consideration.
Each Mother’s Day I present Lady with an original poem. I don’t recall when I started this tradition. I’m sure she could fill me in, but it’d take some time as she crams the mementos between the pages of her cookbooks…Ever since the original poem, she’s expected a written ode to our relationship as a Mother’s Day gift. She doesn’t demand, but you catch my drift.
I maintain this tradition for Lady. The least I may do is spare moments in a day or night to write for her. The woman who reluctantly put me on a plane when I was four years old to fly across country by myself to visit my father. The woman who kissed me each night when I was sleeping on her home turf. The woman who was present for me to come home from school to each day. The woman who shared my happiness in new love and who in turn nursed me through each heartache. The woman who has expressed a few times of late how she’s ready to be a grandmother.
This year, however, I will break with tradition. Reichl’s book set this change in motion.
Instead of a poem, I will share this book with Lady, with hopes that doing so will encourage an open dialogue about our lives. Now that I’m at an age where Lady is my friend as well as my mother, I want to continue to discover who she really is as an individual, woman and friend. I cherish the differences between us, and like Reichl, acknowledge and appreciate that she strove to give me what she herself didn’t pursue after becoming my mother at 19.
Many of my girlfriends manage career success while also being amazing mothers. I hope to find that balance someday. In the meantime, I strive to foster the career I’ve dreamed about since first putting pen to paper. Each day, I’m aware that I’m racing against my internal clock to do so. I cringe at the thought of being a mother who places the burden of her phantom career on her child, a theme prevalent in Reichl’s mother’s life. I hope to lead by example—live a multi-faceted life and seek ever-changing happiness.
What is an important lesson your mother taught you?
Fabulous! You’ve now inspired me to do the same with my mother. Funny how much we have in common, you and I. My mother also reluctantly put me on a plane from the time I was about 6 to go stay with my father in FL during the summer. As a writer, I’ve also penned many a poem for my beloved mom. Thanks for the post…I’m off to buy 2 copies of the book (one for myself of course!)
Katie,
Until now, I haven’t met anyone that also experienced the topsy turvy jet set lifestyle that I did as a child. Leave it to our blogs! I’d love to compare notes…
Enjoy the read and the conversations that follow. Cheers!
I love reading your posts (even those about the tea – I didn’t know nearly as much about the tea until I started reading your blog ;)), but this definitely ranks as the best written post ever. Wow, you made me think of so many things about my own mother and our relationship and of course about writing.
I think you have great future in writing and a publishing deal will happen to you soon, if it’s not knocing on your door already…your writing is so soothing and so calm, it makes me curl up under the blanket with a cup of latte and never leave my bed :)
Jen
Very lovely words. I had a complicated relationship with my mother, full of misunderstandings. That does not stop me from remembering her with love and some pangs of regret. She died very young in 1993. We never got to know each other properly as adults. So this tale seems to register with me. I shall seek it out. GREG
JT,
Wow! Thanks for everything you said in your comment. I’m blushing…
A publishing deal…now you’re talking! Keep sipping those lattes and I’ll continue to provide the comfy read.
Greg,
Thanks for sharing these precious words with me. I hope this book provides great comfort and insight. Take care!
Happy Mother’s Day! Great post, Jen. I love that you call your mom Lady. That’s so sweet.
I am a big fan of Ruth Reichl’s writing as well. Will have to check out her new memoir.
Melinda,
My sis nicknamed our mom years ago and it’s fitting enough to have replaced “mom.” Definitely check out the book! It’s a quick and worthwhile read.
Jen- wonderful post! You’re such an insightful & descriptive writer w/ a warm tone… no doubt you’ll follow in similar footsteps at Reichl!
I just finished her 1st book and am in the middle of ‘Apples.’ I’m enjoying the relationship she describes between her & her Mother. It truly reads like a novel rather than a memoir. I actually get to see Ms. Reichl speak this weekend at the food blogger’s conference in Seattle. SOOO excited for that. And we’ll get a copy of her book there as well. She’s truly inspiring, I think, for all of us who write food.
Lori,
I’m flattered by your kind comments. Thank you!
I missed Reichl’s reading as our pup was ill from his shots and needed companionship that night. Such a bummer…Please enjoy the reading (and the conference, lucky lady!) for both of us. Feel free to report back with your impressions of this new book.